I sense at some point we all have had those days where nothing seems to make sense, your mind courts the loops on replay, and your energy levels steadily drop - and then, you either crawl back into bed or if you can just get there, you might go outside.
After a morning spent with the internal spinning of medical appointments I needed a place of refuge so I went for a walk, dropping into the snow, body held below by the earth and feeling the open spaciousness of the sky above….
a n d
t h e
s p i n n i n g
s t o p p e d.
I feel grateful as the home I live in shares the land with a multitude of bird families, deer, coyotes, unseen friends, rocks, moss, and several acres of birch, pine, maple, and poplar. This I do not take for granted. Every day I sit in deep gratitude to be able to be here another day.
A reflection from my journal after this time resting in the snow:
As I step outside I wander deep into the woods following animal tracks and intuition. I knew the spot as I approached, I felt it in my belly, and dropped immediately on my back into the snow, blue sky overhead
My Body softly held, I take the biggest breath in, feeling ease, soft sigh out
My mind slowing, without having to do anything but arrive where I am, connecting with my senses
Time suddenly feels irrelevant, as if in entering the forest I’ve moved through a threshold into liminal space, out of the day to day worries which I could begin to list, but in this moment, those worries don’t seem to matter.
What matters is this laying here
Feeling the gentle warmth of sun on my skin, the coolness of the snow beneath my body, molding to one another in this embrace, boundaries dissolving
Feeling the pulse
Deep below and deep inside
Gentle rise
Gentle fall
Connecting with a different rhythm
This rhythm that feeds me and nourishes my nervous system, this rhythm that reminds me I am already home, right here, in this body, in this breath, resting on the earth
I feel how I belong
I feel myself softening a little more
Precious heart beating
Breath
A little slower now
I am aware of the pause
Between Inhale and Exhale
The sacred
P a u s e
A reminder to take time
To rest
To restore
To remember
Breath
A little Deeper now
Into the centre of my body
I feel the spiral inwards
As my body releases into the snow
E x p a n d i n g
Looking up I breathe in the vastness of the open sky above
Drinking in this brilliant blue
I feel this in me too
This is the fundamental teaching
Resting in silence and breathing in space
And I know this isn’t always easy
I feel all the tension my body carries dissolving
S L O W L Y
Softening, even just for this moment
This breath
The snow welcoming my body into it’s depths
I hear a subtle voice
Do you feel how you are needed
Do you feel your wholeness
How this resting is needed
Do you feel how you are healing
Breathe this in deeply and when you feel this as truth send this message out knowing it will travel to the places where it will be heard and where it is most needed
Breathing in, breathing out
Do you feel how you are needed
Do you feel your wholeness
How this resting is needed
You are healing
I know it’s not always that easy to make the spinning stop. I hope in those times you have support - whether it be a safe place to go or someone you can call, this is something I take seriously.
I extend my hand out to you, as a reminder that you’re not alone. Imagine yourself laying next to me in the snow, you’re not alone.
Sending you so much love for the days ahead.
Amber
